Blah Blah Cafe, the Jean-Michel Jarre forum

(Unknown)

I guess I have tried to establish such a thread in the past, but it died out somehow I guess. So I would like to re-establish this with a new thread, because I always come across some werri fÃ¶nni yokes which just need to be published here. So I will (again) make a start here:

"Doc, please help me! My hands are constantly shaking!" - "Do you drink alot?" - "no, I spill most of it" ...

"Doc, where you're taking me?" - "Into the mortuary" - "But I'm not dead yet" - "We're not there yet" ...

Poorly translated:
A man comes in a doctor`s office
and the assistant had to clean it up.

(Unknown)

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
"Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

(Unknown)

Dr_Jones wrote:Poorly translated:
A man comes in a doctor`s office
and the assistant had to clean it up.

Poorly? That makes the point perfectly clear if you know slang even just a bit

Velodynamic

Two cannibals is eating a clown and one of them says:
Hey...don't you think this tastes funny?

Yesterday I was going to buy me a pair of camo pants, but I didn't found any.

Is it true that you're the brave one?
-Yes I'm afraid it is.

Yesterday our eleven month old son took his first twentyseven steps.
- twentyseven??
- Yes, he fell down the stairs.

Announcement / headline bloopers:

Unable to write? Free help. Send us a letter today.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Missing: Our white Poodle Snuffy. Reward. Castrated. Like one in the family.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Used cars: Why get tricked by somebody else? Come to us first.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have many old dresses left after grand mother in good condition.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sky bed. Perfect for antique lovers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Copulation of Panda failed - veterinary took over

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

War reduces hopes about peace

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plane crash investigation shows that the plane was too close to the ground.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tornado over cemetary - hundreds of dead ppl

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blind woman received kidney from father who she hasn't seen in years

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Statistics are showing large decreases of teenage pregnancies after the age of 25 years

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cat missing. Last time seen at Park County shooting club.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For sale: Bonniers encyclopedia, 25 volumes. 100 â‚¬ or bids. Not needed anymore.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Parachute, never opened, only used once.

(Unknown)

Velodynamic wrote:Unable to write? Free help. Send us a letter today.

That's a bit like what my old PC used to say when I disconnected the keyboard:

"Keyboard error, press F1"

(Unknown)

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

(Unknown)

roughly translated from German:

man1: "does your wife yell or something when she comes?" - man2: "No, she has a key"

woman1: "Do you always tell your husband when you've been coming?" - woman2: "No, he doesn't like me calling him at the office"

(Unknown)

Knock Knock who's there? Lettuce... Lettuce who? Lettuce in and we'll tell you!

The first little pig walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?" The bar man said, "Okay." Then the little pig said, "Can I use your toilet?" The bar man told him it was straight ahead. Then the second little pig walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?" The bar man said, "Okay." Then the little pig said, "Can I use your toilet?" The bar man said straight ahead. The third little pig walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a rum and coke?" and the bar man said, "Okay." Then the bar man said, "I suppose you want to use the toilet?" But the third little pig replied, "No, I'm the pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home."

These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates. St.Peter told the first husband, "I can't let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry." Dejected, he turned and walked away.
The next married couple stepped up, and St.Peter told the husband, "Can't let you in sir. While you were on earth, you allowed money to run your life. You even married a girl named Penny." The guy hung his head, turned and walked away.
The husband of the third couple waiting in line, overheard both conversations and said, "Come on, Fanny, he's not going to let us in either."

Waitress, you're not fit to serve a pig!
I'm doing my best, sir.

Jon

In the news today, a man in London got his braces caught in a revolving door of a big department store. Shop staff didn't know if he was coming or going.

FÖNNI YOKES